Unsurprisingly due to the success of anti-social networking, there are a number of things which irritate me which I have decided to vent. These are in no particular order, and more or less anger me equally. Why people choose to share such dross is genuinely beyond my reasonable contemplation? If you are reading this and think oh shit I do that, it does not mean that I dislike you as a person, just that I like you less than people who do not.
1. The "Inspirational" Status
This is definitely the absolute worst. Generally the majority of my Facebook friends and twitter followers are not genuinely inspirational people. Those who are, are in a discrete way, a way which I need not divulge. Last time I checked there were no Martin Luther Kings, Barack Obama's or Jeremy Clarkson's amongst them. I do not feel inspired by a quote that someone else has already written and which I could quite happily Google myself thank you very much, should I so decide that I want/need some inspiration. "If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes" - sorry what?
People who say nothing is impossible, or anything on those lines should go wrestle a Lion. You are not profound, and you are definitely the opposite of inspiring. In fact I find it quite uninspiring that you have the time to be searching for such drivel. I have no qualms about people who read such statements and take inspiration from them, however, noone else is seeking inspiration, henceforth they should be kept to yourself.
2. "Today I ran 97 miles"
I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in how far you can run, how many weights you can lift, or how extreme your triathlon was. I have even less interest in a picture showing the condition of your running shoes, and least of all a picture of you in an all in one body suit. No you are not cat woman. You do not need to share with the world your athletic achievements as someone else will definitely have surpassed you. I guarantee there will be some famine ridden African child who will have had to walk further than you to gather a pale of clean water at that very same time. I also predict that some poor Vietnemese child has worked harder than you today, sewing your running shoes or your stitching gym shorts. I am willing to accept a picture of a person who has perhaps completed the London marathon, climbed Everest slash Kilamanjaro or swam the Channel. Anything less than that is deeply subordinate to any of my interests.
3. :-(
Seriously? I fully understand that everyone has a bad day, is unhappy at times and can struggle with the woes that life can throw at you. However, this is certainly the single, most attention/sympathy seeking icon on the internet. I was having quite a nice day until I saw this but no I am suddenly remembering everything that is bad that has ever happened to me. I don't want to see this. I also kind of feel that if you were genuinely that devastated you wouldn't wish to share it with 407 of your "friends", 233 of which you haven't seen since you were 11. 12 of which you only actually said hello to once, because you bought a cat off their next door neighbours Grandmother. Cheer up, might never happen.
4. A picture of food.
This is extraordinarily odd. Hmm I am in a nice restaurant, I can afford to pay for this nice food. Oh no actually, before I eat it I shall broadcast to the world how common I am by taking a photo of my food, because this is the one off occasion where I can actually be seen in a restaurant of this calibre. Noone else is going to enjoy that food except you, unless you are taking a picture of someone else's food, which is plain weird. You can look at it yourself, from your seat, you can smell it, and then yes you can eat it. Noone sitting at home on their computer is actually going to enjoy it. They are just going to think why are you wasting time letting that nice food go cold by photographing it, then waiting 9 minutes for it to upload because you've got no 3G. Just eat your food, enjoy it, pay the bill and go home and recommend the restaurant. How many times have you been on holiday and seen those faded pictures of food on a board outside a restaurant and think that looks nice, yet gone inside, ordered and been presented with plate of nothing that actually resembles the photograph. Pictures of food lie. Seriously, you are doing you friends a disservice.
Note - exceptions can be made for enormous steaks, meat, fish or beer.
5. Posting the temperatures of where you are going on holiday.
This appears to be an up and coming trend where people take an iPhone snap shot of the temperatures of say Tunisia for the next 5 days. This is excruciatingly uninteresting. Mainly because noone is going to Tunisia except you. Do I wake up and think, oooo wonder what the temperature in Tunisia is this morning because Jonny from Primary School is going on Wednesday? Do I hell. It is basically saying hohohoho look at me I am going on holiday and its going to be hot! Well, congratulations Sherlock Holmes, I too would expect it to be hotter in Tunisia than the UK in August. I hope you get shot in an insurgent uprising, whilst the delightful British rain continues to pelt against my window.
6. Checked in at work, a mundane city, a coffee shop or a supermarket.
People go to work everyday. People go to cities everyday. People go to coffee shops everyday. People go to a supermarket everyday. I don't care if you are there. It is not as if I am suddenly going to go OH MY GOD I NEED TO CHECK FACEBOOK TO FIND OUT WHERE FRANK I MET ON HOLIDAY IN 2002 IS RIGHT NOW. OH PHEW HE'S IN SAINSBURY'S IN MILTON KEYNES. Why does this information need to be shared? If you do it on a night out it is basically saying haha where all out and you're not invited. Also when everyone is tagged, I am guessing all those people who are tagged are already there? So why do I need to get an alert on my phone telling me I am in the pub with my friends, when I am sat in the pub, with my friends.
7. People who tag themselves in photos when they are not actually in the photo
There is always that one friend, who tags the back of their head or them randomly ordering a drink in the distance. Why? This photo is not of you? You just happen to have been strolling by when the camera flashed. Half the time you don't even like this person and they are just seeking your approval by wanting to be seen in a photograph with you or wanting to boost their photo count because they believe that the number of photographs on Facebook is a reflection of your popularity. 1. It is not. 2. It does not count if the photo is of the side of your ear.
8. Instagram.
Now, I am quite a fan of this Instagram. It is a clever way of making you look like you are a clever and highly skilled photographer, without actually requiring any ability. However, it is still boring if you take a picture of your dog, a bowl of soup, your car, a cocktail or a field. Yes it may look like the dog grew up in the deep south in 1965, or the soup was drunk (do you eat or drink soup? hmm) by your Great Aunt Marge in Nebraska in the seventies, but it is still just your dog and your soup, right here in 2012 . Go take actual photos if you want to be artistic, don't pretend to be retro and arty by photographing soup. Pretty sure Andy Warhol has got that covered.
That is basically all I can think of for now. I am certain that there are more which make my skin crawl but none currently spring to mind.
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